from Drive

IV

A new lover requires only the most enjoyable work of seduction. This is an excellent distraction for most anything else.

With you in me I can focus on breathing and not being here. I can watch myself as I watch you. I can move in this way or that and achieve a certain reaction. Some would say this is power, but as I am watching myself it cannot be so full of enjoyment that I would desire to miss it. You are close against my skin and I can't really breathe. And I can't tell you I can't really breathe and my head is throbbing. Physicality has overtaken idle thought as though I were hiking at a high elevation. I burst a blood vessel in my eye. I am not bored.

I am very tired and liable to cling to near anything.

Now is a very hard time to be romantic in an enduring way. We must make money.

I am so transient I could have said transparent. You would have looked at my palm and said "your hand is blue." I would have said "My veins are blue." But it is true, your hands are a nice pink and I am so transient I am transparent. Whoosh. I whisper: Please keep moving little red liquid. I will try harder. Please, if you leave I think I will.

There are worse things, I just didn't think you were going to be one of them. Like the sensation of walking between two walls of snow, there was something completely comforting and yet dangerous or at least precarious. My wonderful snowman your nose is so perfect and red.

I rush to love in that I run from abandonment.


XI

Stand next to your every action. Picture them out on the floor in front of you, like a great collage. Like an audience, look each one in the eye.

There is no one I can apologize to. You could say "yourself" but at times like this we have to stick together, stick it out. There's no room for fashionable fractions. We are all I together.












Sarah Lang was born in Canada.







                       BACK